i hate asian americans, i’ve said it before and i doubt i’ll ever quell the desire to stab them with a pair of metal chopsticks. it’s their gnawing insecurity that overwhelms me. Asians however are the saving grace, no wonder they want nothing to do with asian americans and their baggage, it’s laughable.
I’m sitting at the table with the rest of the people on this committee and i show what i have for the advertising that needs to be finished and ready for the printers by wednesday. Everyone takes a look at it and this girl who i have not seen before at the meetings, objects. i was wearing what Yuka refers to as my “can’t believe you’re that stupid to say that publicly but hey, go ahead” face. what bothers me is that there is really no controversy, no one had a problem until she forced her issue. She’s a drama queen that finds a single opportunity to exhibit her “skills” learned in women’s issues classes, which is to create an issue where none existed. i just wanted to lean over and rub her under the chin with my hand… awww, isn’t she scrappy! It took a great deal of self-control to keep from making her look like an ass in front of her friends. Afterwords she goes on this spiel about how she deals with asian women who have these destructive habits and that somehow this could be a potential outcome due to my drawing of women. First off, don’t preach issues of self-image to me, i’m an asian male… i got it. Second, if you’re an asian girl and you want to use my DRAWING conceived totally from within my imagination with no reference to any actual living person as the basis of your self-image, then yea, you either need to overdose or you need to re-attend grade school and learn properly how to differentiate you the corporal being from the unreality of the rest of the world. This isn’t a photo, this isn’t a celebrity, there’s nothing to aspire to… it’s a fucking pencil sketch! that’s like me looking at jon in a Garfield cartoon and saying to myself, oh my god i have to be that! I want his thighs. you want to starve yourself to be that perfect cartoon character, you have more than just self-image issues.
Her breasts are too big. that’s your criticism? and what makes you believe the stereotype that asian women are all flat chested? Everything was done reasonably proportional to the rest of her body. Then it became an issue of making sure she was covered up, the image is her in a inner-tube floating in the crest of hokusai’s classic wave. too much breast was showing and somewhere someplace an evil man might get an unwelcomed erection. So i ask how she wanted to change that, and she wants her to have a wet suit on. then it became an issue of the inner tube, couldn’t it be a surf board she asks? Basically she wanted the breasts covered up with a surf/wet suit and she had issue that the inner tube was suggesting helplessness. I’m being completely fucking serious, women who ride on inner tubes stop it, you are making the female race look weak. So i tried to explain to her my understanding of the asian american experience, the dichotomy of holding onto a crutch (the inner tube was painted up to be similar to an amiercan flag) and large looming force of nature which was represented by the classic asian wave. In a way i feel that asian americans are holding on and drifting, that a sense of being asian doesn’t just come to you, it sorta crashes down upon you depending on the situation that causes it.
It’s just a metaphor, perhaps too kitchy, hell i’ll even accept that criticism, but to cover her up and give her a surf board or her suggestion of giving her a boogie board so the breasts can be concealed… what the fuck, are you a puritan? i asked her if she wore a wetsuit when she went to beach swimming in the ocean, didn’t get a response. I don’t think she got it, she was constantly pushing for this idea of empowerment, that this woman should be (fully clothed) nonsexual, and physically conquering this wave. The problem was I had too negative of a view of asian american experience. Right, they’re so empowered and so sure of themselves. That’s why so many asians you think are empowered, go back to korea or japan and during the course of many years will never have single native asian friend. who the fuck goes to asia to come back home with more white friends? they hang out at the tourist section, eat at the tourist restaurant, and hang out at the foreigner bars and then come home and complain about not learning the language and not feeling incorporated into that society. yeah, it evades you, or perhaps you evade it. They want to see “asian” as the place, the toys, the food, but sure as fuck not the people, they’re an obstacle to getting all the tacky plastic goodies. if i want to create anything to do with the asian race, i pull from, either asian men, asian women, or puffy panda bears. That’s the face of asians, not gayed out import civics, sushi, chop socky films, dragon tattoos, or manga, that’s just cheap products for the world market. Asia isn’t the products, I draw asian people and last i checked i wasn’t white, yet your attacking me because somehow i’m misrepresenting them?
Then she gets all haughty, looks over at me, “do you want me to draw it for you?”… i’m like yeah, i would like you to draw it for me. I want to see what a non-offensive asian women is drawn like. Again, that too is avoided. Everyone has left and she’s still spieling on about this. Many hours and lost sleep and a wasted weekend on this project, i’m not too chipper anymore knowing i have to make something new in one day. So i asked her, “ok you know all the things that you don’t want to see all the things you don’t like, what exactly about the image needs to change”. This sets her off on the history of feminism and how women are exploited by the media and advertising…. stop. that’s not criticism you shitwit, that’s a monologue. i’m not interested in that or your shitty philosophy, so don’t waste my time. listening to you, i’ve heard this before, i’ve heard it articulated better and spouted more poetically by smarter better people. so why the fuck am i listening to this.
So i ask her, if you aren’t going to draw me anything then tell me of an artistic rendering of an asian woman that does not in any way instigate a negative connotation. Where are these images of asian women that are immune to negative assessments, works of art i should be aspiring to. After thinking for a bit, she came up with two, one was a drawing of a asian woman protester that marched with Martin Luther King, i called her on that because the woman in that image wasn’t actually drawn by her. I asked for self-representation, not someone rendering a photo-op ala courtroom sketcher. second she gives me the name of _________ (i wasn’t listening closely enough) who drew a picture of an asian women in the pose of rosie the riveter. that’s it? that’s the best you have for all your complaining? some weak-ass kitch mockup of a 50 year old poster (replace white woman with asian woman) is the best in positive reaffirmation of being asian-american and female? please. the reason Rosie was white cause all the asian women were interned, nobody would let them bolt a single rivet cause they were all suspect as foreign enemy agents. Yeah, nice one. But you still didn’t provide what i asked for. You’ve given me examples of art that relies on a historical reference, i’m talking about art born from the imagination that’s not accompanied by a visual reference, no kitchy appropriation of older texts, i want examples of art actualized and realized from within the artist’s imagination. That’s self-reflection, not pasting an asian girls head over rosie the riveter. she changes the conversation to what is wrong with my work and keeps apologizing to me about offending me with a faux sympathy, like i’m just too dense to understand where she’s coming from. I am dense… but I’m also aware you don’t have a clue how asian women ought to be represented, you know only what you don’t want to see. philosophy of negation is a byproduct of having no vision.
For the most part I wasn’t insulted, i was annoyed. She didn’t really insult me until she said, it looks like manga (makes a disgusted face) and “i have a huge list of problems with manga”. I’ve grown up with manga and anime, it probably has a great deal of influence on my work. It is one of the few art forms that portrays asians (go ahead, name that asian superhero in the marvel/DC universe). I’ll ignore the fact that you’re ignorant about the topic, considering that the richest mangaka (manga artist), and one of the richest persons period in Japan is a woman. you’ve obviously never seen much manga before and what little you’ve witnessed has probably assaulted your sensibilities. what offended me was the tone she said it, like somehow it was an inferior art. It doesn’t have the class and dignity like feminist Judy Chicago’s porcelain dinner plate shaped like her vagina, or defecate on a picture of the virgin mary. That’s deep and telling, not silly and shallow.
That was the most insulting thing, i have absolutely no regard for your opinion now. She calls herself an artist but no artist, at least not in the art society would ever demean another artist. Their is a mutual respect among the group, we understand the many hours spent drawing, years spent perfecting technique, teaching oneself how every medium reacts to every different artistic tool. It’s a solitary lifestyle and we sacrifice a great deal of the social joys in life to become better at our work. No artist would ever mock anyone’s skill, no matter their style be it high art or cartoon scribbles. I don’t care what kind of “artist” you think you are, writer or poet or whatnot. you’re an unimaginative fuck, whose talents i’m guessing are mediocre at best. You have a critical eye for knowing what’s wrong but no vision to know how to right it. Where’s your vision, or do you just espouse other people’s crappy theories as your own. You’re part of that NYC art crowd, artists… but… not really. but they play one at parties. they are the superstar artists and musicians whose work is always in a perpetual state of “refinement”. but nothing ever comes to fruition, your thoughts don’t actually materialize into something, anything tangible. one of those idiot rockstars in their mind, who would really be big if they could just finish that last chapter of their book, or perfect that last chord of their song. their feminist critical art theory is bogus, it’s just learned complexity, anyone can read a book to learn what to say. it takes skill to make things look easy and effortless, it takes skill to take that theory you spout and produce what ought to be. That’s why you’re a hack. You preach it, but you don’t have the discipline and the willingness to sacrifice socially in order to gain that skill. I would love to see any of the artists you think are great try to draw even the most simplistic dot and line manga face. it’s not as easy as you think. all the precision of a critical eye, but lacking the talent. how unimpressive of you.
At that point i didn’t want to listen to any more of her shit. tired of this… tried of these people I thought i left back at college. self-anointed “scholars” because they read the lineup on Germaine Greer’s Amazon wishlist. the way they look down on you so sure of themselves that they have this vast knowledge you aren’t privy to. I’m just some lowly cheap manga scribbler, and that gives her cause to speak down to me. academically, i couldn’t classify myself as an artist. in my 4 years of college i took one art class, introduction to drawing. so basic, i was given 5 hours in a class to sketch a bowel of fruit. That was the one and only art class i’ve ever taken. rest of my classes were in architecture, physics, world literature, film theory, photography, politics and history, film production, philosophy/ethics/aesthetics, japanese culture (they didn’t have an asian-american studies course/not enough asians) and yes, i even took a semesters worth of feminist critique of 20th century art and literature. i was one of 3 men in that class and probably one of the few people that actually read all that was required. you on the other hand probably took 4 years of women’s issues classes, and it shows. you’re ideas are uninteresting and your scope is lacking.I’m sure when she goes back to relay this story off to her friends, i can already see her as one of those women who absolutely cannot tell a story without demonizing the characters in it. i’m hoping i come off munching on dead babies and spewing fire, but that would require more imagination then she has. i will never work for an asian-american group again. while they were out partying and clubbing over the weekend i was sitting at my desk for 3 days in 16 hour sessions. i’m not getting a single dime for this compared to what i usually get paid. I’m doing this for free because you’re asian americans and for some fucking unknown reason, i feel some responsibility to aid and in the process help YOU look good in the hopes that YOU’RE event turns out well. there is little pride in stomping down a feminist, it’s easier than making a neo-conservative look like an ass. it’s a social gimme. but it sickens me that at a time where the UN is gearing up to apply economic sanctions to North Korea to starve even more of their people (or my people i guess) people who have no ill toward the US but are dictated over by a cock, and you’re deep social concern is the size of titties of a two dimensional pencil sketch. you’re a douchbag. end of story.
so i’m sitting on the train on the ride back home, it’s practically empty and i’m still fuming. we make a stop and with a divine finishing touch, a young asian woman gets on with her chubby white boyfriend behind her. classic timing, for when you already feel miserable, i’m sure the expression on my face was none too pleasing. I’m guessing i looked pissed. She gave me a smile. I smiled back, reflex i guess. perhaps she saw a firebreathing, woman hating, psycho fiend who makes improper represetantion of asian american women, and smiled to herself as she envisioned my demise. perhaps she saw i was pissed and wanted to offer a nice gesture. either way, it was cool of her. i even forgive you for dating that paunchy white guy you’re with (kidding!). no… it was cool and it reminded me how great asian women can be, even to asian guys who are strangers. I’m taking some time off, after this post and working on some personal projects. i wanted to make some tutorials on how to draw, especially asians. As a child teaching himself to draw, i could never find a book that illustrated asians, or Hispanics, or blacks. facial and physical structure was the same i guess, you just had to squint the eyes and color with a different colored pencil. i think we all know the race that constituted the main portion of “how to draw a person/human being” books. bye.
